The Eerie Prescience of "Bluto" Blutarsky's sweatshirt

Bluto didn’t go to “college”… he went to “Faber College.” So what, exactly, was he trying to tell us with that sweatshirt? I think he was sending us a warning.

“College”…

Remember your college days... back when you spent your time practicing the finer points of grifting... Learning to suck the system dry for your own benefit and with a minimum of effort.... Never having to worry if that degree for which you paid 100K would actually result in a job after graduation.... Because if it didn't, you'd simply force the University to create a six figure "Diversity Consultant" position for you?

What? That wasn't your experience? Well, things have changed. There's a new normal on America's college campuses that can best be described as "Everything is offensive and must be cancelled"... Memory-holed as Orwell would have said. All other considerations are secondary.

First, college-age Social Justice Warriors went after sitting University Presidents and Professors, not because they were racist, but because... Well, no one is exactly sure why… but one poor bastard at Yale had the temerity to suggest that College Students are old enough to responsibly decide for themselves what kind of Halloween costumes to wear and… Quelle horreur! But, having claimed their scalps, most notably at Mizzou, Yale and Evergreen, these SJWs... Terrorists without the beheadings, decided to go after bigger fish, and in the process validated every fear we Conservatives have ever expressed about the “slippery slope” tendancy of Progressive politics.

It started with statues of Confederates… Robert E. Lee most notably. Even in cities in the Deep South like New Orleans, General Lee had to go. We did not protest because the fact is, we all instinctively understood that we should not be in the business of celebrating those who launched an actual insurrection against what now must be referred to in semi-religious tones as “our Democracy.” But as the statues came down, some of us did have the good sense to wonder where all of this might end. Never fear… the SJWs and their Progressive allies in Government, Media, and Big Tech assured us that their urge to destroy would fade away with the Confederates and that those who suggested the scalp hunting would continue were nothing but conspiracy theorists.

But the fever did not fade away as we were promised it would. After the Confederates were eliminated from the public square, our Founding Fathers were next. And no less an accused Conspiracy Theorist than Donald Trump was proved right as the the mob came for Thomas Jefferson and even, in the end, Abraham Lincoln for the well-known crime of… (checks notes)… freeing the slaves.

Oh well (shrug emoji).

And on and on the mob advanced, its insatiable desire for scalps slaked not a bit by the glorious path of destruction already in its wake.

At Harvard Law, the venerable School Crest, University founder, and even the word "Master" were all declared problematic... They've got to go. Even Real Estate agents have declared that the term “Master Bedroom” is now off-limits… and hardware stores will no longer use “master” and “slave” to describe certain kinds of hardware, lest the sensitive find themselves triggered on an otherwise routine trip to Lowe’s.

At Oxford, the most famous scholarship in the world is in danger of losing its name because this Rhodes guy was apparently not a 21st Century Renaissance Man... as is entirely typical of men who lived in the 19th Century of course, but no matter. The movement has no time for such trivialities. Like a shark it must continue relentlessly forward to its next meal, or else die.

And so, having gotten everything they've ever asked for with a bare minimum of fuss and muss, these young Alinskys in training have moved on to more practical battlefields, like Dining Halls. At Oberlin, undercooked rice or using the wrong kind of baguette for Bahn Me is now "culturally disrespectful." This guy wants you to know that the fact that there's no fried chicken on the menu proves Oberlin doesn't care about honoring black culture... Even though if fried chicken WAS on the menu, somebody, probably this same idiot, would be calling THAT racist.

Even exercise is now in the crosshairs, as a whole slew of articles has appeared in the corporate Press suggesting that the entire fitness industry is fundamentally racist. But hey, look on the bright side, it could be worse… your favorite form of exercise could be something that promotes White Supremacy like… Yoga?

Trying to appease these people is like being one of Jigsaw's victims in the SAW franchise. You can't win, and anything you try only makes things worse, until your head is crushed by a fourteen-bladed Rube Goldberg contraption while the discorporated voices of Cloward and Piven cackle on the staticky speaker of an Occupy Campus (TM) bullhorn.

But off into the void these college administrators go anyway, somehow believing that if they can only say the right thing, apologize in the right way, offer the perfect ritual sacrifice, create just the right number of six-figure Diversity, Equity and Inclusion gigs, that they'll be left alone.

They won't.

The smell of blood is in the water. The SJWs are basically trolling these Universities at this point. What else should we ban to appease their insatiable desire to punish the white male Patriarchy? Should we ban the Rolling Stones and The Beatles? "It's the End" and "Under My Thumb" prove pretty conclusively that both bands had, at best, a problematic view of women's rights.

What about movies? It seems only fair that all the movies on George’s library of cancelled films must immediately be banned from all US campuses.

And of course SJWs were way ahead of the curve on cancelling sports mascots as well. They started with the most obvious… The Cleveland Indians and the Washington Redskins had to go, of course… but now we’re starting to see talk about banning “Vikings” as mascots as well. Which makes me wonder what else might be on the chopping block? I’m sure Buffalo Bill was a problematic figure in his day, but being problematic isn’t even a pre-requisite anymore. My own Alma Mater, Syracuse University, banned the use of “Orangemen” years ago. The administration claimed that switching to “The Orange” was a marketing decision, but coming as it did on the heels of St. John’s ditching “The Redmen”, a lot of us wondered if the Syracuse Administration might actually have been worried that someone would find a way to call “Orangemen” racist.

Perhaps they were smart to do so… it’s amusing to wonder what might have happened if they’d kept the name “Orangemen” in place through 2016… would the SJWs have attacked the name as problematic in the wake of Trump’s victory? Would Syracuse have been forced to put out a simpering press release apologizing for the “trauma” caused by a mascot that had become tangentially assoiciated with the hue of President Trump’s skin? The mind reels at the possibilities.

Frankly, It's a miracle that no one has tried asking for straight up cash payments yet.... Oh wait, they actually have.

If this keeps up, eventually, just like Bluto Blutarsky's sweatshirt, every University in America will simply be called COLLEGE.... every other potential name having been declared highly problematic. When a young college man (or person who identifies as a man) asks his gender-fluid date where he should pick Xer up, Xe'll tell him "Dorm 1138"… numbers being, for now anyway, the only safe way to identify a particular building. And the only thing available on the dining hall menu will be locally sourced, culturally respectful, cruelty-free diet Impossible Soylent Green.